Blondell is our first permanent loss and she’ll be missed. You can read elsewhere about Blondell’s public life as an internationally-celebrated dancer and choreographer. From time to time, she shared stories about dancing, living in Paris, leading workshops. But most of our conversation was about everyday things. And Blondell’s everyday life was always fascinating. She was always busy. She was part of several TTN groups, evaluated arts companies for grant funding and worked to regain control of her family’s Harlem brownstone, with the dream of creating a community arts center.

What I’ll remember most about Blondell is her energy. She’d sweep into the meeting, usually a little late, carrying a large bottle of water for herself and a bag of popcorn to share. She was funny and she was deep. We spent as many hours, as a group, laughing at ourselves and the foibles of everyday life as discussing the problems of the world.

We didn’t know that Blondell was ill. She was a very private woman. In retrospect, we may wonder if her illness was what pushed her to finally work on getting her papers and performance tapes in order. As proud as she was of  her body of work, though, we’ll also remember how proud she was of logging enough hours in her community pool to get an award and a tee shirt every year.

The rest of the group will go on. I hope that we’ll hold each other a bit more closely. All of us are over sixty; some over seventy. Even as the circle gets smaller, we’ll continue to celebrate and support each other.

This loss taught me to spend more time connecting and reconnecting with my larger circle. I’m being more intentional in making time for nurturing friendships. I’m experimenting with meeting and engaging a few new people as well. The new faces won’t replace those who are now out of reach; they’ll add something different. And I’ll add to their lives as well.

Here’s a short career short synopsis:
From jet mechanic in the military to legal secretary to sales professional to sales management back to sales professional. And there’s a huge difference between managing and being part of a team.

In her last career, she was doing recycling – “which is pretty much, you know, what kind of trash can I buy? And now I’m doing technology sales.”

I got fed up with technology sales. And all of this occurred during my menopause. I’m very serious. All started out at about age 50 – the rollercoaster ride. From a good management position to buying trash to what I’m doing now, which is technology sales.

In technology, recycling is sort of reverse logistics – it’s where I would meet with government – federal and state and I would procure obsolete electronic equipment because there’s a lot of money in electronic equipment. There’s a lot of gold and platinum – they have a value on the market – they’re a commodity. You can’t resell government equipment. You have to break it down into the raw commodities and put it back on the market.

I moved into technology sales because I was ready for a change, but I don’t like it. I find that these kids – and they are – just kids – they’re half my age and they just don’t get it I was taught that when you’re at a job you run it for profit and you follow business ethics and you don’t cut corners. You don’t cut throats, you respect one another. There’s two type of people – there’s the kind – you know, when you walk into a furniture store and they’re all can I help you, can I help you and then there’s the kind of sales person who wants to build a relationship and develop that relationship. These kids don’t get relationship sales. They have this “what’s in it for me” mentality and I just got fed up with the whole environment. I was just fed up with these whiny, backstabbing kids. And that’s exactly what – they create drama. But it wasn’t just one company. It’s that – I mean, I’ve had other positions. I’ve some 40 within this 7 or 8 year stretch – companies that I’ve worked with – these kids – and they are kids – they don’t have what we had. They aren’t taught that businesses are run for profit – that you run it as if it’s your own business – they don’t have that mentality. They have a drama queen mentality.

I did the recycling thing for a little over a year. And I will share with you that it’s a little like a being a bottom-feeder in the food chain because you’re buying trash. I mean, so it’s like from silk dresses to jeans.  It was like going from queen to the ugly one instead of ugly one to queen.
Humbling. Very humbling.

It was a real journey. Yeah – I really started to look at me as me. I mean, me as a bottom-feeder. You know, I guess I really allowed myself to feel kicked down. It lasted until I decided to get back into technology sales. Which was 13 months ago. And I don’t know if it was brought on by menopause – I mean, I really and truly don’t what brought that on – or post-menopause. I took the job because I was frustrated with dealing with all these kids. I’m talking about the companies that are going after these young kids so that they can hire them for half of what you or I would get.

So I didn’t realize that was my next journey – my next transition, if you will. And it was a transition, because I did feel completely kicked down. I read a lot of therapy books. And start seeing a psychologist. I mean, literally, to pick myself back up. I’ve spent this whole year reading all kinds of books. I read The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for the Effective Communication in the Workplace by P.F. Perkins – she really did do a good job writing about interracial – or different groups – she writes about working with these young kids, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, The Secret – and then I found a really good tape called The Secret Things to God – now I’m pretty darned religious. I don’t know that that had popped out, but now it’s back in. Keeping the Love You Find, 7 Habits of Effective People, The Power of Positive Thinking, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Giving the Love that Heals, Your Perfect Right, which was an excellent book by Albert Nevins.

When I was growing up – and I’m a 60’s child – late 60’s , early 70’s is when I graduated, from California, Haight-Ashbury – and I know that growing up I’d always heard about a generation gap. Well that’s what I feel I’m caught up in right now. It is a generation gap. And that’s what prompted me to start seeing Dr. B – that there was such a communication gap between myself and my peers and these younger kids.

Let’s just say when you’re kicked down, it’s a a journey to pick yourself back up. It really is. And it’s a lot of self-assessment. And its not so much of looking backwards. Its living in the now and what can I do to adjust to the now.

I read a book called Parent, Adult, Child – and that’s what prompted all this. And I must have been just on my 50th birthday or thereabouts. And I picked it up at a garage sale. And I thought, what a good book. And I guess at that point it was just a turning point for me. And I guess I allowed myself to get kicked down. And you know, the job was not bad – it’s not like I was crawling in trash or anything, but I guess I felt kicked down, because I was feeling – I knew it was trash. It was all about association, if that makes any sense to you. And I mean seriously, if you saw my wardrobe – all silk dresses – I mean, I’ve got some very nice attire here – to go down to buying trash. And I don’t know if it was the hot flashes, the lack of sleep, I mean, I don’t know if it was the whole pre-menopausal that led me to be fed up with corporate America. I don’t know if it was the body changing that led to this escalation. And I do sometimes think about that. And I wonder if there are any studies on that, because I do know that there are hormonal changes. And I opted to not take any hormones. Nope – I will not subject myself to that.

I think I came to terms with me. I’m finally at peace in my journey of life. I’m finally at the level now that I realize that everything is OK. There’s only so much – you take on jobs and go to work and come home so unfulfilled or you can just say the hell with it. And I did. When I got out of the recycling I didn’t work for three months. I spent a good month and a half not looking for work – just looking at who am I? And journaling, who am I? Where do I want to be in life? What are my goals? And it wasn’t work-related goals. You know – do I want to have my house paid? Do I want to take trips? Do I want to take life a little easier now? Now that my child is grown and out of the house, do I even want to own a house any more? And those are the things I’ve evaluating right now and assessing as far as do I want to sell my home.

And do I just want to – and I’m seriously considering – do I want to just get myself a Winnebago and travel the country. I’m seriously considering it. You know, I’ve got a good 20 years left to work, according to Social Security. And I can pick up little odd-and-end jobs – Walmart greeter, waitress, here and there. And just not have any responsibility. I’ve had responsibility for so many years. I’m to the point where I wonder do I want responsibility any more, other than to myself. And owning a home is a responsibility. Or do I want to be free like I was before I got into the working world? So I don’t know why people ever contemplate whether there would be a journey, cause I’m living it right now.

But I am at that cusp of what direction do I want to go now. I’ve worked almost half my life and do I want to work hard the rest of my life to maintain the lifestyle that I have or do I just want to become free? Because I’m not married, and I have that choice.

My heart is not in my job. It truly is not. My heart is really weighing towards selling my home – and getting a Winnebago and just journeying – just traveling and meeting people. You know – living in these HOA parks and just going from park site to park site.  I got out of the criminal justice business into the trash business industry. And now I’m in the school district industry.

I’m selling software to school districts. I’ve always worked selling to state and federal agencies. I’ve always been in sales. But I’m really weighing this HOA camping business. Winnebago – that’s the deal. And I wish I could find another 50+ year old who would like to take that journey with me and just shrug responsibility other than to ourselves.

I know I’m at a turning point. And I truly believe I’m at a turning point in my life. If I could, I would go back to school. I mean, to get a Winnebago with the price of gas being so low and sleeping in the Winnebago you know, and buying food and cooking food on gas or a charcoal grill is very cheap to live. You know, you can live on $15 a day. So it can extend out for a long, long time. To go to school, you have to have thousands of dollars or take out thousands of dollars of loans. And at my age the thought of having $20,000 or $30,000 in notes in front of me – it’s just, no, I don’t want that burden. Ten more years and I can go to college free. Ten more years, but I think they should change that rule and make it in the 50’s. You know how they talk about men having that mid-years crisis and men have it in their late 30’s, early 40’s? Well I really believe that women go through it in their 50’s.

I truly believe it and my friends who are in their 50’s are going through the same kind of change that I am and its an unexplainable change. And its not a physical change. Its more of a whole new mental playing field. Its seeing life from a whole different perspective, a whole different vision.

Despite all her personal development work, Anne seems to be a little stuck. Do you see yourself in parts of her story? If you want to see a different take – a couple who actually did sell their home and buy the Winnebago, follow the Gypsynester. If you want a partner in vamping up your own story, contact the Life Architect.

Although I met Deborah Koenigsberger for the first time yesterday, I had passed her carefully curated boutique, Noir et Blanc, for many years. I was saddened to see it leave 23rd Street and delighted to find it had reappeared on West 25th. I found it again because I saw this fascinating sign, The Thrifty HoG, and wandered into an incredible high-end thrift store. Its purpose?

A new, upscale resale boutique opened on May 28th, 2010 offering a selection of chic new, very gently used & vintage clothing and accessories for men, women and children, as well as home decor items and small furnishings. The Thrifty HoG is a unique retail establishment: not only do proceeds benefit the homeless mothers and children supported by HoG, but the shop also provides job-training for these struggling women. Our goal at Hearts of Gold is simple: Empowerment, Sustainability, Self-Sufficiency and Lots of Love.

Both stores offer a wonderful array of clothing and jewelry. HoG works with NYC shelters to support women with children. When the women leave the shelter system, they are supported by Alumni Support Groups. These women and their families are supported by programs at every level, all designed to raise self-esteem and create full lives for the participants.

Deborah saw a need and found a way to fill it. I’ll be interviewing Deborah after she’s had a bit of post-event space, so you’ll hear more about this award-winning entrepreneur, philanthropist and mother of two. I guarantee her story will leave you entertained and inspired.

I had lung cancer. I had half a lung removed. We lived in Framingham. George was out of the picture then. I had the lung removed and went back to work. All three kids were in college at the same time; I had to work. I had to help these kids out. Luckily, they were all good students so they all got scholarship money as well as financial aid, and some of them are still paying it off. Friends helped out, everybody was a big help when that happened. And I wasn’t laid up for that long. I remember being in the hospital for about three weeks. And when I came home my mother and my sister came to stay with me and all was well. 

The marriages Hochschild researched don’t make the news. Instead, we read about backlash against Sheryl Sandberg’s advice for women. What does she know about real family life? She can afford help. This is an excerpt from an interview with Nooyi:

“I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so,” she told David Bradley, owner of the Atlantic Media Company, at the Aspen Ideas Festival earlier this week. “We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all,” Nooyi, who has been married 34 years and has two daughters, said.

There are only so many hours in a week, a month, a year. None of us can be two places at once. While Nooyi’s mother expects her to put a milk run before announcing her promotion, most of the high-powered women with children that I interviewed had support systems in place in order to manage multiple roles:

Corbette, a corporate executive who has become a professor:

We had the same nanny for 19 years. She and my daughter used to travel with me up to 8 times a year, especially when I only had one child, and that for me made a huge difference, really cut down on some of my own feelings about being an ineffective parent and it was an amazing, I spoke at  a lot of conferences because of my role in the industry and so I think I became even more well known that I might otherwise have in this industry because people knew I took my children so it’s been interesting experience but the person who recruited me gave me unbelievable opportunity as I tried to make investments, to run different businesses all under the benefit of the healthcare industry. 

Phoebe, a former CFO, spoke about the difficulties faced by many women in management:

I think it’s very hard to do that [set boundaries around work hours]. I think the demands are pretty intensive and you certainly don’t do it in the middle of a deal. You’ve got to be smart about this at all times. I’m conscious of this and who’s my competition? My competition, I always think of them as someone male who has a wife, a very capable wife who takes care of all of the parenting issues and all of the household issues, and so to the extent that the woman — I am involved in parenting and to the extent that I’m running my household, that takes time and energy from the workplace. We just have to be conscious of that as a society and as employers to think about that. Is it not wonderful to have employees who can be 24/7 totally devoted to what the company needs done and doesn’t have to think about anything else.

and about the opportunities that she’s had the resources to provide for her children:

We as a family have done international trips each year and as a family we have been to Africa, we have been to China to see the total eclipse of the sun, something you should do in life that’s a spiritual experience, we have been to Scandinavia, we’ve been to London, we’ve been to quite a few places in Europe, last year we went to the Olympics. We have tried to expose our children to many different — I’ve been to Japan with Kate, I have been to Mexico, so we tried to expose them to cultures and different ways homo sapiens live on this earth and that’s pretty important thing for us to inculcate in them, I think.  We’ve had the resources to be able to do that.  I’ve worked really hard just in terms of parenting things, to make sure my children know how to interact with adult, how to entertain, how to be engaging and so they’re both that. They’re just very, very comfortable in the global world.

I’ve heard from women who have made all sorts of accommodations. Skype and video chat have become tools in relationship maintenance. One woman has her assistant put in her briefcase pages from whatever bedtime story she’s reading to her children. No matter where she is, she blocks out this bedtime break and connects with her children long enough to read to them before they go to bed.

So, in my opinion, Nooyi is right. None of us can have it all. Life involves a series of trade-offs. But that doesn’t mean compromises and trade-offs are bad things. In fact, acknowledging that real limitations exist can be tremendously liberating.  It ramps down that superwoman pressure. It allows space for enjoyment. time to enjoy those little moments that enrich our lives.

The Nooyla quote above is from Mashable. The other quote are from my book, Fifty Over Fifty: Wise and Wild Women Creating Wonderful Lives (And You Can Too!), due out in October

Cute, right? Innocent. Sweet. But eventually they will wake up. Now don’t get me wrong. They are adorable and my heart melts when they curl up next to me to purr and give little kitty kisses. And they are mighty hunters, so I will never see another mouse. Not so sure I appreciated the great waterbug hunt at 3:30 AM. but I’m certainly delighted at the demise of said bug. Job well done, guys!

When Obie curled up on my shoulder and started to purr at the adoption event, I knew I was a goner. Ernie came along so Obie wouldn’t be lonely when I travel. They aren’t litter mates, but they are somehow brothers.

So what’s wrong with this picture? Well, sleeping kittens wake up. Early and often. Ernie is a leaper,  and a climber, so I’m spending lots of time convincing him that the stove top is not a good place to hang out. Obie likes to pounce, so we’re working on the notion that feet under a blanket are not the enemy. Both of them tear through my apartment at high speed at unlikely moments that generally coincide with my need to concentrate or sleep. Ernie is fond of small spaces, so I’ve lost the trash basket in the living room:

I just hope that I have the energy to survive their first year! I also wish that I’d heard my sister-in-law’s advice before adopting – she said never adopt a cat under a year old. Well, maybe not. They really are cute. And growing every day.

I just hope I make it through kittenhood!

Her first job was a little unusual:

I was asked to test the elongation of wire and had to write it down on a sheet. I absolutely loved it. I could wear jeans or shorts. That was unthinkable in a workplace back in 1968. We made all different types of alloy. I would have to check the elongation, or how long before the wire broke. I also did payroll, copies, etc. I absolutely loved it. I stayed until that October and I quit the job because my sister in law needed help with their first-born. I would pass ADP en route, and I would tell my mother, I’m going to work there someday.

She did come back to the company to work in ADP, processing payrolls. Then, her father accepted a job in Germany and she decided to join her family. Although she spoke very little German, she convinced a local company to hire her:

I decided I wanted a job and I said I didn’t know how to get a job. So we put an ad in the paper and got an interview with Berlin Life Insurance Company, Berlinischer Lebensverisgurng.

My German was very poor. I knew “Hello,” “Good-bye” and I knew the numbers up to 10. I had German friends that spoke English so they would translate for me when we were out. Herr Heinen had very bad English. Herr Heinen called up a programmer, Freddy Handloser, who translated for the two of us. Herr Heinen asked him how old I was and where I lived, and where I lived in the United States and if I had working papers. And everything was, Yes, Yes, Yes. And he said, Well, how are you going to communicate with your co-workers? And I told Freddy, I am here to work, not here to talk. He thought that was the greatest thing ever and hired me on the spot.

When she returned to the US, she continued in data entry until she stopped working to be home with her daughter. A combination of volunteer and part-time work broadened her interpersonal skill set:

There was an opening in our daughters school in the cafeteria as a lunch aid, so I did that instead. It actually worked out better as I knew what was going on at school. I was off when the school was closed so didn’t have to concern myself with a sitter. It was 2 hours a day. I was also Room mother, VP of our PTA, later became President, and involved with our Church. When she was in 8^th grade, they finally opened the Middle School. I was involved with PTA, and Room mother. Being a Room mother, the teachers always wanted me to go on the class trips; the faculty knew I could handle the boys. The boys knew my rules – 3 chances, they were out. But they loved me. I felt so bad when we actually moved. One kid showed up at our door. Every Halloween he came to our house. And I always made him hot chocolate.

I was in the library, or the library book fair, the regular fair. Plus, I was very involved in church, then I started dancing. I did the Mommy & Me with our daughter, which I also considered exercise. We were both in recitals and she danced for 14 years. I danced, I don’t know, probably 5 years altogether. So I really didn’t have time for jobs. So the other job just worked out perfect.

Then we moved to Georgia in 1992. I was involved within the week, joining Newcomer’s Club. I volunteered to be the Crafts Chairperson. They came here once a week and we did crafts. It was really just socializing. And then we started at everybody’s house a different week. And then we started the lunch group and everybody would bring their favorite food. Then the following year I became Vice President of the club.

My duties consisted of going to different restaurants or country clubs, meeting with the restaurant managers and then choosing for the year where we ate once a month. At one of the country clubs the manager asked me if I would like to waitress. I explained to him I had never waitressed but I helped at my daughter’s girlfriend’s mother’s restaurant for 3 months. So I worked in a country club for a little bit there. Then I had to quit. They wanted me to work more hours and it was conflicting with our daughter’s activities. I left there and got a job at Pike’s Nursery. That was seasonal. Loved it though; I got to learn about plants and soil conditions in Georgia. I then went to JC Penney and I was there a year and a half.

When she returned to work, she was able to combine her computer knowledge with her interpersonal skills:

I started at Digital as a contract worker. I talked to the [service] engineers and I absolutely loved the job. They would call in when they completed the job. Our Department would input the hours, what they did, and parts, when they finished the job, they would have a start-time and an end-time that you had to input. Working with them, sometimes you got the same people over and over. I worked there 4 and a half years, so I pretty much knew everybody.

Her mother had a serious fall, and Bunnie stopped working to take care of her:

The following year, I’m trying to get hold of my mother and expecting a call at work, and she wasn’t picking up.  By Sunday I still can’t get a hold of her. And now I’m starting to panic. I finally found a number for the neighbor. I’m going to have him go over there and see what’s going on. And the neighbor calls back; my mom had fallen down the steps and lay there for 2 ½ days. She was still alive and that was the end of me working. I left Compaq to go up north and start emptying out her house. I was up there for 6 weeks and by March we had to fly her down here. She was never able to walk again. So I oversaw her care in a nursing home environment.

This started a seven-year process of learning everything there is to know about caring for the elderly. Bunnie was a regular fixture at the facility and took on as much of her mother’s care as she could. She asked questions. She learned about the health care system. After her mother’s death, she was ready to go back to work, but the data entry field wasn’t looking good, so she made a bold move:

I tried the data entry route. No, you haven’t worked in 7 years. No one would ever call back.

Q. It had changed so much?

I don’t think so. However you input it, it’s data entry. If you’re doing Customer Service on a computer, it’s the same. No one would talk to me–and my age, too. By then I was 58-59. I saw an ad in the paper. They were looking for caregivers. And I said, well, let me just call up. Either they want me or they don’t want me. So I went to the interview and they saw my background, you know, caring for mom all those years. And they hired me. And the lady I was with was absolutely wonderful. I was with her for 3 years.

We spoke about how her early experiences contributed to her success in this new field:

My Mom always helped someone, and I was always dragged along, helping the sick. Yeah, I just didn’t think of it that way, but yeah. My neighbor up in Connecticut, she had hip replacement surgery. Her kids were out in California, so I was the one, when she had her surgery, brought her home. Brought her for doctor’s appointments. Cooked for her that first week. Figured out how to get food from her kitchen to where she would eat and watch TV or whatever. I finally made her an apron so she could put her food in containers and get it into the living room to eat.

And then  a friend from PTO got the news of ovarian cancer. So, I helped care for her. And then I had another old neighbor, and I would take her grocery shopping every Friday, you know, bring in the groceries, and yacking, or whatever. Went to Denny’s for breakfast, too. And I was taking her to see her husband in the hospital when he had a heart attack. So, yes I did caregiving but didn’t think of it that way.

Why is this new career perfect for Bunnie?

I just find my job so rewarding. It’s giving back for the loss of mom. I’ve always felt that way. I like helping, I guess. I just, you know, when Jen was little, I always had her friends over. We had a normal home life where some of these kids didn’t, or the siblings were creeps. So they’d hang out at our house. We always had her friends over. Even when Jen was in high school, the kids always came here. Not everybody has the knack for it. I’m very calm, cool and collected. The bosses give me carte blanche.

If you’re thinking about what’s next for you, don’t be limited by your resume. What else have you done? How could you use those skills?

But that’s not where envy came in. After the ceremony, we were invited to a graduation party. I got into a conversation with my niece’s friend-since-childhood, Audrey. “I wish I was old,” Audrey told me. “It’s so cool to think about all the things you’ve seen and done. I can’t wait until I’m old and can look back over my life and see everything that’s changed.” We talked about the pace of change and the “olden days” of my own college experience for a while, then drifted off to watch the group playing croquet.

I thought about what Audrey had said, though. My hope for her is that she enjoys her present and looks forward, anticipating how her life will unfold. As for me, I love those moments of nostalgia, but I don’t want to go back. Being twenty-something in my world was as much as I could manage; I feel unprepared to be that age in this new world. No, I love watching younger people grow up and change and change the world. As for me, I’ll continue to stretch and grow and contribute from exactly where I am.

I have met brave women who are exploring the outer edge of human possibility, with no history to guide them, and a courage to make themselves vulnerable that I find moving beyond words.

Gloria Steinem

There are so many brave women out there – some who would never think of themselves this way. Lynn Meyer, who always finds a way to be happy, no matter what issues are facing her is one. Bunnie Schrober, who never thought twice about embarking on a life of service to the elderly, despite no prior professional experience is another. Phyllis Campagnia, who is a brilliant coach and a wonderful human being is a third. In her interview, she spoke about one of her personal heroes and how this woman shaped her life:

When I was 9, I absolutely became captivated by Amelia Earhart. I read her biography and she was certainly ahead of her time in just about every way. She was determined to do what she wanted, how she wanted, and that really caught my imagination. I thought, Well, gosh, if she could do anything, I think I can too. So she truly because a major catalyst for me. She stayed with me on the journey. During that time then I also got into wanting to know the answers to things, so we know that Amelia was lost at sea. And I decided that I was going to try to find her.

Yeah, during 4^th, 5^th, and 6^th grade I researched everything I could. My mom took me on the train down to Chicago to the Pubic Library and I looked up all the microfiche and that sort of thing. I was about 10 then. And that really served me well later in life because I am an amateur genealogist and I do a lot of that work now. That’s one of my hobbies. And I learned a great deal about how to do that back then.

Well, I didn’t find Amelia but I did have a lot of fun and I did make some friends along the way doing that. I was always good in school. Loved school and I still love school. In fact, I will be exploring going back to school sometime later this year to get my doctorate. That’s my goal and then I’ll be Dr. Phil, right? But why do I want to do it? Because it’s there. And it’s exciting. What could I learn along the way? And what difference I could make as I learn? And that’s really the way I approached my life as a little girl. I was always trying to see what was out there to do.

Along those same lines, when I was in high school, because of Amelia, I became fascinated with aeronautics and the school that I attended had an aeronautics class, so I applied. I was called down to the guidance counselor’s office and they said, So, we see you applied for this and you’re not going to be able to take this course. We’re going to recommend that you take a home economics course. I said, Why? Is it full? What is your reason I can’t attend? You’re a girl. Aeronautics is for boys. I said, Well, can you tell me what they’re going to be doing in that course that I can’t do, as a female? I mean, is there heavy lifting, or what? No, it’s just that we feel it’s better. And I negotiated my way into that class and got them to change the rule. So I was the first girl in my school to take the aeronautics course. And the one thing I knew, I knew I had to ace that course and I did. I got an A+ because I knew that I was being watched, and if any girl after me wanted to take it, I HAD to open the door for her. So, I did.

Early on, Louisa May Alcott (as personified by Jo March) was my image of a strong woman. A series of strong female characters followed. For a time, my ideal was a blend of Katherine and Audrey Hepburn – quite a combination. And a sprinkling of Dorothy Parker for good measure.

I imagine Phyllis still has moments where she asks, “What would Amelia do?” And, although she says she never found her, perhaps she did.

Who are the strong women who influenced you? How are they still with you today?

Pauley’s book uses her own life experience as a frame for glimpses into the lives of the men and women she interviewed for NBC under the sponsorship of AARP. Her subjects are both ordinary and amazing and the book reminds us that little things, done with great passion, are what will keep us vibrant through these bonus decades. The book, like Jane herself, is both comfortable and inspiring. She spoke about all of us as seekers.

I was inspired by how much of what she said reflected my own feelings about change and adulthood. She describes this change as reimagining, eschewing the industrial-sounding reengineering or the potentially daunting reinvention. I know that I want to continually imagine what’s possible for me, what would be fun, what would stretch me. I don’t want to be reinvented. I kind of like who I am, thank you very much.

She talked about her skill in connecting the dots. Aha! Exactly my approach to helping people to see how they can use what they know in different combinations. She believes in stretching your comfort zone, not getting out of it. Exactly. Why create discomfort? Stretch and stretch (I call it expanding) until your comfort zone is enormous. Yes!

I was also so impressed with this group that Maureen Fitzgerald has created. What a lively, friendly, interesting bunch of men and women! I had several delightful conversations with people who were clearly enjoying their lives to the fullest. It’s inspiring to see how many women are already wise and wild and creating wonderful lives. Jane Pauley and Marlo Thomas are reminding us of the possibilities. Just wait until my fifty women add their voices to this growing chorus!

And then when I had our third child, my son, I kind of decided that I was going to kind of step off the career track a bit, always intending that I would go back fairly soon.

And instead what happened was, when my son was a year old, I was diagnosed with this terminal lung disease that you’ve probably read about and so that kind of was the start of a totally different chapter in my life.

Q. So, tell me about that.

Sure. So, at first, what was difficult was that I was pregnant. And often when you’re pregnant, you’re short of breath. And so, at first my doctors assured me I’ll get better. But after my son was born, I continued to get worse and I was hoping that it would be a case of exercise-induced asthma. And that, in fact, was not the diagnosis. And after lots of testing, they finally diagnosed this disease that is very hard to pronounce called Lymphangioleomyomatosis. And it’s a disease where, basically, lung tissue grows uncontrollably in your lungs and eventually you suffocate to death. And it’s something that is virtually limited to–there’s a few cases, but 99.7% are women. And it often presents during your childbearing years. So it hits people at a very, very hard time just when your life is really ramping up. And all of a sudden, this kind of comes out of nowhere and really takes over your life.

Q. I was going to say, you were a young woman faced with this catastrophe.

Yes. Kind of horrible. And, of course, blindsides you away. Any disease of this sort will blindside you. And, I guess, looking back, too, I went through all of those typical stages, you know: denial, anger…but it wasn’t going to get me. And eventually it did, in the sense that it’s a progressive lung disease. And so over time my lung capacity dropped significantly to the point where I definitely needed a lung transplant. And I also needed huge doses of oxygen, really, just to survive. The idea was to try and keep me alive until I could get a lung transplant. And the thinking was, they were getting better with that technology. 

Q. How did you manage to keep your spirits up through all of this? I mean, it sounds like you fought really hard.

Yeah. I did. And I fought really hard because of my kids. And there was a reason that I tried for… I tried as hard as I could, and for as long as I could, to keep life normal for them. And it was a balance–how much do you tell them and when? We made every effort to the point where we would go on skiing weekends. And we would pack up my concentrator which provided oxygen, which I needed at night and throw that in the van. And away we would go. And I’d sit in the ski lodge all day, but my family would ski. It meant a lot to me that they were able to continue to do that. 

She spoke of the tremendous shift – and new set of fears – that occurred after her transplant:

there was also kind of a mental switch because as long as you were waiting for a transplant, it was always…you were always waiting for something. And in your mind, everything would be fine once you got it. And now it was…now you have it. And if something goes wrong, you have to deal with it. So it was kind of a mental switch. For example, rejection is something that’s—well, the enemy of all transplants. So the reality of, OK, if I do, I’ve got this now and if it rejects right away, I’m really in trouble. So it was kind of a different shift. But I was very blessed. And I did have a couple of challenges, but I did… I was well enough to come home after about 3 months. And slowly start to build my life again. And let me tell you, it was so great to wash dishes again. It’s going to sound so corny, but the first time I went to Costco and was standing in line, I had tears in my eyes. This is great, you know. Just that semblance of everyday life that had been so closed off to you. It was great. I certainly loved every second being with my children again. And you know, really took every moment I could to revel in that. 

I celebrate Trish in this season of renewal. And Ann. And Loretta. And Sunny. And Lynn. And all the women we know who have come through potentially lethal health crises and are here to celebrate today.