Time to Do a Brain Dump

For the past few weeks, people who I perceive as having wronged or wounded me have been floating around in my head. I knew that it was past time to do a little house cleaning; I just wasn’t sure how to proceed.

Prior Efforts

Several years ago I tried two different methods of getting rid of these squatters. One was to burn the two biggest intruders in effigy. A good idea in principle, a bit harder in practice unless you choose your materials carefully. I chose two boiled wool Christmas ornaments that looked a lot like the two women who had to go. Boiled wool does not burn easily. Twenty minutes and half a box of matches later, they were gone. And they stayed gone.

The second method was to repeat a particularly frightening and hurtful line over and over until I started to laugh at an undercurrent of courtliness in a vile threat. Once I started laughing, I was able to turn the whole experience into a puff ball and blow it off into nothingness. This also stayed gone.

Today’s Effort

In the midst of a massive cleaning, straightening and dumping, I found a pad of Thank You Post-its. Perfect! Over the years, I’ve written letters to parts of my younger self whose opinions and protective actions were no longer needed and this gave me an idea. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. For what might I thank each of these people? As I wrote names on each Post-it, I thought about the lessons learned: not everyone will (or should be expected to) reciprocate kindness; create clear boundaries; have a written contract for all work; someone’s negative opinion has nothing to do with what you think of yourself. I wrote out all of my thank you notes and added a sweet goodbye note, then sent them all ablaze.

Next?

My head feels very clear now. I can keep the lessons learned and even smile at them without giving in to resentment, anger and grief. It’s a good feeling. My goal is to remember that forgiveness isn’t really forgiveness unless I’m ready to forget. And to simply shake my head and move on in the future.